Nine Lines from Red Eye

So everyday I read the Red Eye (put out by the Chicago Tribune) and they have Nine Lines by Leo Ebersole -- it's just one line about something in the news and then he makes a smart comment about it. There were a couple of really good ones from today:

That Funny Feeling
Playoff football fever is definitely sweeping Chicago. It's either that or syphilis. Sometime's it's hard to tell.

We can relate.
Michael Jackson's veterinarian is suing him for unpaid bills. I know what you're thinking: "If I had a nickel for every time my llamas became a legal headache..."

That's Life.
A cow in Montana escaped a slaughterhouse, eluded police and dodged three tranquilzers darts before being captured again. Either he's hamburger meat or he's being offered The Rock's movie roles.

The last one is a bit gruesome I know, but still funny you have to admit. http://www.redeyechicago.com/